Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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