so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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