I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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