Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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