apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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