the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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