I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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