Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
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No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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