If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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