He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to fling myself into the sun
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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