So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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