Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize