he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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