people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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