I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
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