She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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