My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize