Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
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Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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