Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize