I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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