The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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