i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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