I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
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You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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