So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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