Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need to sanitize my soul.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize