Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
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I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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