I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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