it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
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he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
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Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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