I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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