i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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