I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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