i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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