these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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