You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
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Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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