it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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