tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize