I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
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In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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