wanna go halves on a baby?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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