I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
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Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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