I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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