My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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