just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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