i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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