He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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