Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize