Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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