Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize