PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
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They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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