I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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