Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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